Author’s note: For four years or so, I have been writing “The Raven’s Caw” as a regular feature for the BarNoneDrinks newsletter. With the inception of “Quaff the Raven”, we’ve gone to a new format for my articles. In an effort to make some of the old writings more accessible, I will be reposting some of the better material from the early Caw days here on the blog. If you’ve got a favorite you’d like reposted, leave a comment. I will be doing some editing, because, quite frankly, some of my old stuff is terribly written.
Welcome back, all. This month I’m going to touch on a topic which has become something of a taboo in the world of alcohol. This topic is not often discussed because it is almost always equated with addiction and dependence. I am referring to the medicinal qualities of booze. It is important to note, as you read this, that I am not a medical professional; the information I provide is simply gleaned from a basic understanding of alcohol’s effect on the body. I am providing historical and contemporary facts, but not suggesting that anyone try anything that they wouldn’t normally try without the advice of a doctor. All that being said, I trust that our readership is smart enough to know what is wise to try and what is not…
To understand the possibilities of alcohol, it is important to know, more or less, what it does to the body on a chemical level. Like any substance (even water and oxygen), large amounts of alcohol have a much different effect than small amounts. When drinking alcohol, some of its effects are immediately noticeable; your mouth may burn from the contact, or your throat may become numb. When the drink hits your stomach, it starts getting absorbed into the bloodstream. This is where the fun begins. One of the first effects is a mild diluting of the blood. On a cognitive level, this doesn’t do much — you may experience a slight calming effect as physical stresses are mitigated away with the lower blood pressure. Properly used, one drink (a standard drink) can be quite effective at getting rid of a headache at the end of the day. It is, again, important to note here that just as you would not pop a painkiller everyday without the advice of a physician, neither should you use a shot of booze every night to take the edge off. If you find that you have the headache whenever you don’t have the booze, seek help.
The next few stages of intoxication, up to and including drunkenness, are pretty similar from a medical standpoint. As more alcohol gets into your bloodstream, your inhibitions melt away. This often is interpreted as alcohol acting as a stimulant. The experienced stimulation, oft referred to as liquid courage, isn’t really stimulation at all; its actually a depressant effect, as your ability to moderate your behavior is depressed. But enough about that…
Throughout the years, alcohol has had many other uses as well. In many cultures, the plant that the alcohol is made from can give it aphrodisiacal effects. In Mexico, the bottlers of Damiana Liquor even bottle their libation in a bottle shaped as a pregnant Incan fertility goddess. Check them out, but be warned, Damiana is not for everyone, aphrodisiacal effects or not. Most scientific journals discount alcohol’s effects as a love drug for a number of reasons… I won’t bother going through them. Instead, I am reminded of a quote from William Shakespeare: Lechery, sir, it provokes and unprovokes; it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance… (Macbeth, II,iii).
It is quite strange, and probably a testament to the nature of humans who learn only what they want, to know that in other parts of the world, namely Europe and its protectorates, alcohol’s poisonous effects were well known, and used on a fairly regular basis. Many people have heard the term Mother’s Ruin when referring to gin (gin has had a number of nicknames through the years, but many not so kind ones when it hit London’s East End). Now, many, like the author, probably attributed this to gin’s ability to turn many young boys and girls into drunken louts that would commit all sorts of atrocities, enough to ruin any mother. But, alas, this is not why it got the colorful moniker. Gin, with its entire debut splendor as a pleasant delivery for quinine, was used by the unscrupulous and the poor as an abortificant. Pump enough gin into a young girl carrying an unwanted child and, poof, you’ve got yourself a spontaneous abortion. Its amazing what some will do. (This is one of those points where I feel it is absolutely necessary to say that, even a century ago, this is a very dangerous way of ridding yourself of a child, and if you are so desperate to do this, please seek medical help. I’m not a doctor, this isn’t medical advice. It’s a history lesson!)
On to something more pleasant… a newly released study in the Hort
Technology journal has brought about some interesting uses of alcohol on a different sort of living things…house plants! In this study, the authors report that by diluting hard alcohols down to about 10% ABV and using them to water plants, they came up with some interesting results. The plant, its stalk, leaves and such were dwarfed by the alcohol, but the flower remained as large as ever. The study was conducted using a narcissus flower, and the results were clear; the shorter, stockier plant carried the flower much easier, without any drooping or breaking of the stalk. This has little real ramifications, except perhaps if youre interested in some unusual plants, but the author (of the study, and probably The Raven as well) intends to try this dwarfing experiment with vegetables. It is important to note that you cannot use beer or wine, they are often of the correct ABV but the residual sugar is thought to be too high. Also, I wouldn’t try this with irreplaceable plants…it’s not well tested.
Good readers, I must away, the inkwell is dry, and my glass is empty. Thank you for your time, and please join me again for another month of The Ravens Caw.
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